MY STORY
I am so grateful for my life today. I am confident in who I am. I love myself without condition and I walk in my own truth. I have moved through life challenge by challenge, episode by episode and prayer by prayer — I have a process that guides me to make my best life choices, I learn from those that don’t work out, and I keep moving toward my dreams, no matter what.. I have found my joy.
It wasn’t always this way…
I was born in Little Rock, Arkansas – Once my Dad left the military, he had trouble finding a job in Arkansas to support our family. So, when I was 6 years old, my dad & mom moved us to San Diego, CA (where his brother lived) in the hope of finding employment.
Three years later, my Dad went into the hospital for surgery –and never came home.
Imagine being 9 years old and trying to process death. I didn’t really know what happened – I remember sitting at the dining room table in the kitchen with my sibling (I had 3 siblings by then) where our Pastor sat across from us saying something… I don’t remember the words, however, I imagine his words meant that my life was changed… forever.
My little girl dreams with my Dad were shattered. My sense of who I was had been replaced with insecurity, lack of confidence and the fear that I would never feel that kind of love again..
And I didn’t have the voice to express what I was feeling — on the inside… Have you ever had an experience that changed your life – that left you feeling insecure or unlovable… or left you unable to find the words to express how you feel? Do you remember how it made you feel?
So, when I became a mother (2 marriages – didn’t work out) I poured myself into raising them… A daughter and a son. When my son was 16 – he was diagnosed with a mental illness and suddenly my full focus was on his well being… to make sure he would be safe, secure and be able to live a good quality life in spite of the ways our lives would be changed… forever.
Early in his diagnosis (at that time) I had to go through the social worker assigned to my son’s case to give input. Imagine asking permission to be included in the discussion the medical professionals were having about my child.
While sitting in that first meeting, I noticed that they all talked to among themselves, no one talked to me, nor did they ask me anything about my son…
That was scary.
The next day I called the social worker and spoke my truth. I let him know that I felt ignored and left out as if my voice didn’t matter… in the life of my own son. He quickly apologized and said that I was ALWAYS welcome to participate in those meetings, that I would be heard and my input was valued.
In that moment, I stepped up… for my son… and eventually for myself…
I learned that I am enough… to sit at any table and speak my truth…
I have the courage to step into the unknown for what believe, and that unconditional love is an inside job…
Once I had done what I set out to do… to make sure my son is safe, secure and living his best quality of life…. I knew it was time for me… to help other women, like me, to do the same…
Step by Step… I began to gain my eagles wings on earth.
The first thing that happened was I broke down… I was driving to work one morning and I realized I couldn’t go any further… I turned around and went back home and told my boss I couldn’t come in. That’s all I said… she said okay.. it was as if the version of myself that I knew… was familiar to me had disappeared… and I had to rebuild myself from the inside out.
In full disclosure… don’t enter this space without God… It ain’t easy.
However, what I have come to understand is that the Patrice I was – was not equipped or able to be a cheerleader for the Patrice I would become…
- Dispel the lies and tell the truth: Let go of your story – My story was My Dad died when I was 9 years old, therefore, I had been abandoned and denied the love of the first man in my life… That wasn’t true. What was the truth is that my dad was taking care of his family until the day he died. He underwent a procedure that was needed to pass the physical for a job that would allow him to support our family.
- Put your emotions in check: Balance your emotions to get the results you want. Avoid saying YES when you really mean NO.
- Love is an inside job: Give yourself compassion first. Learn to accept who you are and love the not so lovable parts of yourself.
- Be open to a different perspective: Learn to listen with the enthusiasm of a young person and respond like an adult.
- Use your wisdom to learn to lead with love: Discover the wise woman within. Develop a standard that allows you to lead with love.
- Find out what brings you Joy: Learn to capture and increase your moments of joy!
I am no longer that insecure little girl who felt abandoned, lacked confidence and was filled with anger and fear on the inside.